He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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