Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need water and some morals
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