using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
