Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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