I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize