I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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