i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize