literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
