I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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