My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
