literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
