People in love make me want to vomit
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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