Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
