you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
