i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
