Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
