after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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