I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
