I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
