after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We need to get me chipped asap
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
