my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
