you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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