My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
