8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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