I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
