I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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