You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
