I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
