He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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