We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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