I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I love having hate sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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