So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
