dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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