nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
