is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
