I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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