Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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