Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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