He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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