im drinking this country out of the recession.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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