I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
