Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
