turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
