I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we made out on top of his cat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
