Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
