This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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