there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
