New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize