woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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