Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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