I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
