yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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