dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize