Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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