and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
