No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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