Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
