the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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