I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize