Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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