using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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