you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
