yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
