could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
