I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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