i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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