i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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