If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My ATM looks so different sober.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
