Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
