My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
