i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Come on in and take your pants off
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