Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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