New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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