Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize