I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
