Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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