Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
