Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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