i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
