so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
now i know why i became what i already was.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
