Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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