In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize