is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
