i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
