Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
