Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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