Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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