happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's just like the Real World with babies
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
