@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
