that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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