**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
