I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
