A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
