Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
