I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
