I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
