You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
